Author: streetmadonna

life’s not fair, is it? Memorable line from Lion king. I went out for some drinks tonight with shawanna. As you know, she is a talented comedian so she made me laugh so much tonight. She serves the best kind of humor and the kind of compliments that you secretly want to hear. For example,…

I’ve decided to stay in this apartment. After eddie passed I thought I would move (to Sacramento? To claremont? To Milwaukee?) but i realized that moving would be too much to deal with. So I shall stay in this rad apartment that I can barely afford. i love this place but I just got new…

11:41 pm. happy new year! Hope you had a fun and safe celebration and feel ready for 2025. New Year’s Day is Eddie’s favorite holiday. He would say happy new year to people well into February (luckily okay because lunar new year). He loved the idea of a fresh start. I missed him at the…

i spent the day with fam at my mom’s house. Hung out in one of my favorite places—her backyard. then We ate traditional 떡 만두 국 (it’s soup) for early new year’s. I napped and then ate more food. I feel pretty fat. Even though I hadn’t been eating very much food the past few…

I made myself a vanilla espresso drink with my new nespresso machine around 8 pm. And now I am wide awake. 2:13 am. Even met Shawanna for a couple of drinks yet sleep is far away. I Feel like i could help dig a ditch right now. I thought I was immune to nighttime caffeine,…

Stephanie arrived today so there was much joy. third extravagant dinner in a row. More pie. Afterwards we took family photos and opened gifts. My face was round and red. So jolly. No tears. i said I wanted to head back to my apartment tomorrow. My mom said she wishes i would stay but she…

how did Christmas Day go. We went as a family to visit eddie at his final resting place. The truth is I like going there by myself but I know he loved the fact that he brought us all together today. It was very beautiful and peaceful at the cemetery and he’s even got a…

merry Christmas. 1:08 am. We made it. i’m at my mom’s house. As soon as I arrived she made me blueberry pancakes and eggs. My brother is here too. On Christmas Eve, we lounged, drank wine, listened to alternative Christmas songs, and then had an amazing dinner. My mom cooked a roast and roasted beets….

didn’t do too much today. Wait, yes I did. I watched too much YouTube. And ate too many chamoy gummies. I neglected a lot of my tasks (let’s blame it on late amazon delivery) but I’ll make up for it by waking up early. That is one terrific aspect of my life right now: Do…

This is the best blog in the world. I was feeling very sad and I wrote a post that was a total bummer to write and probably to read. But it made me realize how beautiful my life and people are. So I deleted it and it became this post. Which is nothing. 5:26 pm….

I thought I was cured of my social anxiety but there was a little bit of it tonight at Dave c’s party. It happens a lot when you don’t feel like you fit in. Thank god Sylvia was there. She understands my shrimp chips + bourbon diet. did some more online shopping. I regret procrastinating….

late. I stayed at eddie’s company holiday party later than I thought I would. I also thought it would be difficult and emotional to see everyone, but I was wrong about everything. nothing difficult about it, unless you have a hard time dealing with fun times, hugs, and laughs. and well, I used to but…

I still haven’t gone grocery shopping. it’s been months. well, actually going to the grocery store—It’s been years. what i mean is I haven’t placed a whole foods order nor stocked up the fridge in months. the shelves are sad. but I cooked today. I found some good meats and vegetables in the freezer. eventually…

I wasn’t going to write tonight because it’s late and I have to work in the morning, but i’m dedicated to you. just got back from my holiday dinner with bea and cj. it was supposed to be an early night for me, but i should have known better. we had oysters, good food, fine…

Tonight I loved where I live. Skyline. Shorts in December. Walk to brewery. Friends with bartenders. chasing a dream. Watched shawanna do her stand-up comedy thing tonight. She killed it. A huge relief because I had no idea if i was going to like her jokes or not. she was dope. She performed at two…

finally got this site fixed. Fiverr came through with all the cache fixes, but I never asked about the timestamping. I’ll just do it manually. where did the weekend go. Saturday was a blessed day. Went running for the first time in like ten years. Six miles, but they were slow. In elementary school, the…

it’s late. I wish I could add a timestamp on this blog template. there must be a way, I better ask a fiverr. lentil and taz took me to cosm tonight for a documentary screening. that place is cool. the massive screen was experiential and the venue itself made me want to party. but the…

today was a good day! work was chill and maybe someone would consider me a good boss? also got into the gym for the first time in a billion years. did the bare minimum though; stared in the mirror, 3 sets of 12, nothing more. but I was there. I got on the scale. I…

happy 12th anniversary. Twelve years ago today I had my first date with eddie. We went to the cool sushi place in the arts district before the arts district was even the arts district where he told me stories about shredding ramps in San Jose, slaving it for his old boss on big movies, and…

life is moving. went to polina’s birthday party tonight. she looked beautiful. it’s always nice to see everyone, but it still felt sad. sometimes I forget that they are grieving too. everybody loved eddie. people ask me how i’m doing, what i’ve been up to, how i’ve been sleeping, and am I eating enough. I…