A night of drinking beer and watching baseball. A lot of baseball. Not that much beer. It is a fun time to be an Angeleno. but Will ohtani be able to get his 13 hours of sleep?

In other news, I bought dresses and fancy heels after years of not doing that. But I won’t go anywhere nice for a while.

I need to know what is up with Kpop demon hunters, but don’t wanna watch. I want to learn about ivf, but don’t wanna read. I will, however, watch multiple videos to see how a Maltese puppy would cook korean pancakes or assemble a footlong subway sandwich. Hold on to your brain cells.

grateful for Stephanie, kikusui, coconut everything, ppo plan, my work team, rosemary’s grill, Freddie, dawn powerwash, Daniel, reformation, late nights, la, safety.

1:57 am.

The weekends just fly by. I guess that means I was having fun.

So many birthdays around this time. I missed seeing my family and the celebrations. I used to not miss them so much, But I love them a little bit more now. In honor of all the scorps, we got cake from the Chinatown bakery and it was good. Yes, with almonds.

Grateful for yoboseyo superette, World Series, free shots, tay tay, pickle, hot sake, h2o2, pho tai nam gan, glittering gold, productivity, phoenix bakery, fancy shoes, good hugs, good naps, good life.

1:30 am.

I simply existed today.

in the morning, a cute pug spaniel kept bringing me his ball so I threw it a bunch of times for him to fetch, even though it was gross and nobody wanted to touch it.

In the afternoon, i watched the perfect neighbor on Netflix because i couldn’t concentrate on work.

In the evening, i ate vegan purple ice cream for dinner and then did a dumbbell workout on the peloton iPad app because my bike+ screen is broken.

at night, i read some poems by my favorite poet (Rachel wetzsteon) and felt sad that she’s no longer alive to write more poems.

before falling asleep, I wrote this post and watched nobody wants this and felt lucky that I know true love is eternal.

grateful for being alive, sakura park, asahole, ohtanny, bea and cj, my family, ai chef dogs, game changers, conservation of energy, where I am.

1:18 am.

i took a long nap today. I guess I needed to catch up on sleep even though there’s no such thing. I may have to watch the most interesting boring show to help me doze off tonight, which is ancient aliens.

Good news, I’ve been feeling more like myself lately—even though it’s a new version that nobody is familiar with. Am i nice? Am i mean? Am i ruthless? My apatu is still a mess and I still haven’t been doing healthy stuff that I used to enjoy like climbing and reading, but I’m back to knowing how I want to be seen. We don’t stay in pajamas all day anymore. We are loved because we are rad.

grateful for fast work week, my big brother, honest chats, vanilla milk, mega mugs, Rachelle, saying stuff on my mind, being heard, spam lite, brad stayrad, you, and you.

and of course, you.

1:50 am.

i might be getting better at communicating. I had a conversation that I was dreadinG, but I spoke from a place of honesty and respect. People say communication is key and seems that the key to good communication is sincerity, love, and pure intentions. At least it was in this situation. I walked away feeling loved, supported, relieved, and lifted. Might be a different story when communicating with other people like coworkers or customer support—Sometimes the key is simply dumbing it down, repeating yourself, and pounding your fist.

grateful for another wonderful weekend, all the moms in my life, hearing the words “I understand how you feel”, ube coconut, manhattan clam chowder, dumpster sake, a bag of baked potatoes, hiromi, deadline extensions, 8000 steps, date night on the couch, good talks.

2:22 am.

Eddie’s been sending messages. The 11:11 neon turning on by itself. Same with bea’s lamp. Then Lenny and taz’s tv did the same—straight to the sea turtle screensaver. He visited me in my dream last night. I forgot what happened but he was at the door and I touched his belly. I think he’s trying to tell me something, but I can’t read it and maybe that frustrates him. If something’s been bothering me, would it have to do with that? Do dead people know stuff and try to help us? Is it not even about me? Should I ask ai?

I came home tonight after being away. I missed my coffeemakers.

grateful for Friday, muncy, foot massages, chocolate chimp cookies, my apartment, walking pad, paletas, big meetings, not sleeping, feeling warm, trusting my gut.

2:59 am.