My mom gets me groceries from Costco. The usual haul includes lactose-free milk, eggs, blueberries, and salad greens. When eddie was here, she got us ribeyes and filets. Now she just gets cheerios.

it’s hinds day! Grab your green beads and dance.

Grateful for FaceTime, strong mom, skate stickers, Christine Choi hair, Bloating, and the gifts you give and receive from me.

2:36 am.

I told Alexa to turn off all the lights and then I crawled into bed. I looked out my bedroom door and saw a dark, tall silhouette in the hall. I thought, oh someone’s here! But it was just a cool jacket hangin’.

My nose was running and bleeding a lot today. But I did feel better than yesterday.

It’s been a long work week. But it’s also hinds week, which means we’re listening to hinds 24/7 here.

Grateful for all the greens I ate, Canadian cousins, Salina from third grade, shorts weather, and black licorice.

2:01 am

This morning someone rang my doorbell. No one was there, but They left a breakfast sandwich and hash browns. It was delicious. It made me think of the time in high school when I got called out of second period to go to the main office to pick up an item. I had no idea what it could be. Turned out to be an egg McMuffin, hash browns, and oj. Thought it was meant for someone else but i ate it anyway. I have the best mom. And best neighbor.

I might have been a little bit sick today. Now I have the air purifier on 11 and even filled the water tank for the humidifier.

I took a long nap. My body wants me to chill out on the late nights, shots, emotional turbulence, and lame air. it’s just so hard to keep those things away.

grateful for cheerios, Nalgene bottles, base layers, sweet words, and antipyretics.

12:20 am.

late night but trying to follow through with a post.

People say honesty is the best policy. But they always direct that to guilty people. I’m not guilty; I’m just selfish, messy, and needy. Honesty Is good, but love is best.

grateful for sinus rinses, handwritten cards, facial cold plunges, celebrity name drops, and googly eyes.

4:34 am.

I didn’t do much on Sunday. It was a day of recovery and good friends. I mentioned I had a tough cry and they prepared to mobilize to talk, listen, or bring me a ghost sando. Ended up at the bar for some drinks and good chat. People say I deserve the best. I want the best blt and that’s not it.

I’ve been wearing my hair straight the past week and 3 out of 3 cute boys commented on it. 1 out of 3 said they liked it.

It’s time though. Irish car bombs, here we come.

2:11 am.

Eddie’s grave marker/bronze tablet/plaque/tombstone was finally installed. I was so anxious to see how the photo etching and the words turned out. I broke down as soon as I saw it. It was beautiful. It felt real. and I knew he really did go home.

Tonight a bunch of us went to Cosm for the premiere of the big wave documentary that Lenny edited. eddie would have done the sound, But Dillon handled it. The dome screen theater seating is tricky. My assigned seat was not great, so I was invited to squeeze into the booth with Eddie’s team. doobie let me have the best seat in the house. I cried when I saw Eddie’s name in the special thanks credits. I heard he has a vocal sound bite in the movie, but it wasn’t the eel. He is so loved and missed.

After, there was a lot of talk about loss and grief. Taz’s dad. Kudsi’s dad. Ryan’s dad. Everyone grieves differently and seems that no one does it as selfishly as I do. I came home and bawled my ugly eyes out. It was a hard time. I didn’t want to be alone, I wanted to be held, and i might have driven to redondo. Once my eyes dried, everything was so clear. It stung though.

grateful for hip hop carpool, Angela Leus, getting home safe, night owls, hors d’oeuvres, and the clearest eye.

4:22 am.