What a beautiful night. Long-time friends connected by long-time friends. With a little bit of hot biceps, laughtears, penicillin, and reminiscence in the mix. I had great experiences. Thanks to skateboarding.

grateful for gerbildine, courthouse, price club, rtd (483, 76, 181), stale fish, sugar skateboards, sugar daddies.

2:04 am.

9 months since Eddie’s passing. The good times feel like they happened forever ago. One winter night we got lost in Toronto. That was one of my favorite nights because we had a nice dinner, took public transit, walked a lot, and threw snowballz. He took a picture of me holding a wad of snow—not a cute photo—and used it as his iPhone wallpaper for years. Feels like ages ago.

His mom says that nobody will ever love me as much as he did. Seems mean, but she’s just proud. And maybe at one point I may have agreed—the loss Is real. The love was tremendous. But that doesn’t concern me. Because He showed me how to do it. Spoiler alert—love isn’t about me—it’ll be you: nobody will ever love you as much as I will.

🤯

grateful for the flower shop clerk, flowbee for dogs, extendo weekend, visit from my neighbor, dietary supplements, the way you make me feel.

1:24 am.

my life is golden in the good and bad times. So glittery that Sometimes I forget that there are nasty people in the world literally walking right beside me on my block. Living in my building too. I’m talking racist people. Dishonest people. Dangerous people. Volatile. Bitter. Lacking love. Not sure what we can do, except protect ya neck. Love is the way, but Very Be careful.

i just remembered the protective bubble technique that Sylvia taught me. You can create a force field with your mind. recommended before leaving the house.

grateful for blue booch, old-fashioned nail polish, foot pegs, satin hair bonnets, john moon, flatbread cylinders, hot tub parties, dieting, Johnson & Johnson, guardian angels, my family, friends who are like family, you reading this.

1:36 am.

Pretty tired and not that much to report today. I’m all into probiotics again because my guts (the ones you hate and love) are on the fritz again from all the booze and late night funnin’. Do you get excited about kefir too?

Thinking of the time I was hanging at the skate shop where Abijah worked and some kid came in with his dad to buy shoes. He needed a size 8 but we (I was pretending like I worked there) only had a 9. They were too big. I asked him how old he was and he said 15. I told him he’d grow into them in no time, and in the meantime to double sock it. They got the shoes. They bought socks too. I always felt guilty about that because skateboarding in shoes that don’t fit right is the worst. What happens when someone has big shoes to fill but they fail to fill them? Nothing.

grateful that my neighbor brought me food today. Also grateful for my job and all the smart and creative people I work with. Grateful for amazon grocery delivery, hummingbirds, david Choe, spearmint gum…and the sun shining on my face.

hehe. 1:52 am.

i had a really good weekend. Not perfect, but close enough. I did pretty good in terms of busy vs blank calendar, socializing vs aloneness, and greens vs junk food. But these everyday battles weren’t as successful: work vs rest (I worked a bunch of hours on Sunday), booze vs water (i drank a lot of beer and vodka), and exercise vs couch potato (i haven’t worked out in days). Also cute vs catfish…it was a no makeup + ponytail + sweats kinda day. But we still tippin’ on 4 4’s.

Grateful for lots of good friends, making new friends, overnight blowout rods, dawn dish soap laundry hacks, able bodies, lobster Benedict, and being on your mind (always?).

1:44 am.

It’s been a long week. And it ain’t over yet. Been staying busy with work. Been eating a lot of green stuff. Been watching baseball. Been shopping a bunch. Been leaving stuff around.

grateful for Friday, fun plans, my coworkers, funny dogs, retainers, and rich friends.

2:04 am.