I’ve decided to stay in this apartment. After eddie passed I thought I would move (to Sacramento? To claremont? To Milwaukee?) but i realized that moving would be too much to deal with. So I shall stay in this rad apartment that I can barely afford.

i love this place but I just got new upstairs neighbors who have heavy footsteps. 12:22 am and I can still hear them thudding along their whole apartment. It drives Niko to the point of mad panic and anxiety where she would jump off the third floor balcony (she did it before). Eddie used to bang on the ceiling with his cane when the old neighbors used to wrestle after midnight. But this is a new set of neighbors who moved in less than a week ago. Maybe they are still rearranging or building their billy bookcases but they are making too much noise. I felt i need to nip this problem in the bud as soon as possible, so to kill them with kindness I left them a welcome basket (ie, paper gift bag) at their door.

the bag contained a $15 bottle of red wine, a box of walker’s shortbread cookies in the shape of Scottie dogs (regift), and a small box of Godiva dark chocolate. On the card i wrote, “hi neighbors! happy new year and welcome to the community! This is a great building, but please be mindful that the floors are very thin. Please Watch your heavy footsteps. or else watch your backs.” And I drew a little gun with dashes coming out the barrel.

11:41 pm.

happy new year! Hope you had a fun and safe celebration and feel ready for 2025. New Year’s Day is Eddie’s favorite holiday. He would say happy new year to people well into February (luckily okay because lunar new year). He loved the idea of a fresh start. I missed him at the countdown.

not to brag, but I’m killing it so far in 2025. First off, I have groceries and stuff to eat in my refrigerator. I placed an amazon fresh order. Sure, the main goal was to obtain some champagne and restock my liquor shelf, but the important point here is that I also ordered food. Vegetables! Bananas! Salad fixin’s! And drumsticks (eddie’s favorite; chicken not ice cream). It’s a bonanza.

Secondly, I wasn’t hungover today Because I took my pre-party zbiotics but also just didn’t drink as much as I normally do. Sure, I was already hungover on New Year’s Eve and the last thing i needed was more booze, but the important point here is that I drank less.

and finally, I Spent time training my front splits (a shared 2025 goal with momo), cleaned the apartment, brushed Niko’s teeth, applied a beauty face mask, and am going to read some pages of a book (crow planet by Lyanda lynn haunt). Crushing it.

and you?

i spent the day with fam at my mom’s house. Hung out in one of my favorite places—her backyard. then We ate traditional 떡 만두 국 (it’s soup) for early new year’s. I napped and then ate more food. I feel pretty fat. Even though I hadn’t been eating very much food the past few months, I didn’t lose any weight. In fact, i gained. “There’s a sandwich in every beer.”-chopak dumpings.

i guess the New Year’s resolutions will be to exercise more, Improve physical balance, Prevent Alzheimer disease (5 coffees per day!), eat more vegetables, reduce drinking, brush Niko’s teeth consistently, learn how to scratch on Eddie’s technics, repair my skin barrier, try climbing or skating again, be a good leader, read books, go on a date with someone awesome, win with calls and puts, get my health check-ups, try waterless car washing, take a trip but not solo, hike, buy gold at slauson swap meet, the list goes on and on. I make resolutions all year long.

1:33 am.

I made myself a vanilla espresso drink with my new nespresso machine around 8 pm. And now I am wide awake. 2:13 am. Even met Shawanna for a couple of drinks yet sleep is far away. I Feel like i could help dig a ditch right now. I thought I was immune to nighttime caffeine, but I guess I am human.

tonight I was told that I am a catalyst. In the context of the conversation of hustling and productivity, I took it as a compliment. But then I turned into an evil person and tried to persuade/pressure them into joining tinder even though they clearly stated they had no interest in using dating apps. And I specifically said tinder, not even okcupid (where i met eddie). So evil. I am the catalyst.

tomorrow (today) is a magic day. Meaning no plans no responsibilities. Things will appear. I can’t wait to wake up for another macchiato!

i hope your holidays were beautiful and that you’re ready for a fresh start in 2025.

full disclosure: I’ve never used or seen tinder.

Stephanie arrived today so there was much joy. third extravagant dinner in a row. More pie. Afterwards we took family photos and opened gifts. My face was round and red. So jolly. No tears.

i said I wanted to head back to my apartment tomorrow. My mom said she wishes i would stay but she didn’t ask me to stay. So I’m going. I’ll be back after i organize some things there though. Okay yeah, I just want to go and play with my new nespresso.

12:35 am. What’s the plan for new year’s?

how did Christmas Day go. We went as a family to visit eddie at his final resting place. The truth is I like going there by myself but I know he loved the fact that he brought us all together today. It was very beautiful and peaceful at the cemetery and he’s even got a great view. i feel bad that the grave marker still hasn’t been put in place—It’s still in production because it took me forever to choose the design and words for it. Once that’s in he’ll feel less headless.

afterwards I took a four-hour nap. Grieving is exhausting. But also I’ve just been eating (lots) and sleeping like a true Garfield Christmas.

we still haven’t opened any presents. 2:25 am.