A full day of no WiFi in the apartment. And it’s great! This morning I packed up the laptop and portable monitor and set up office in the top-floor club room where the WiFi is good. I went back to my unit for a lunch break and coffee with my neighbor and then returned to work. I miss going to an office but not that much. Tomorrow I’ll pack my lunch. Hope nobody steals it. best part is the new office is dog friendly.

I would have watched tv tonight, but instead I played a bunch of NYT games. Wyna Liu is so cute.

it was a beautiful 11/11. The love never dies. I received sweet texts and hugs from friends. I was reminded that some people look like they have it all—but they could be very lonely. agree changing their hairstyle would help but not fix. Just look inside and be ready. Oh, and follow your dreams.

grateful for love languages, kirin light, free WiFi, brown sugar oat creamer, tomatoes, compliments, shopping help, Monica, jonocorp, my career, signs from the universe, technical difficulties, disappointment, connections.

12:14 am.

happy 11/11.

my WiFi has been down since the afternoon and it won’t be back until I receive new hardware. We’re talking days. I didn’t watch a single YouTube or a Netflix today. I Exercised, but not along to an app. I listened to Spotify through a Bluetooth speaker instead of my Alexas. I’m connected to a hotspot right now.

I had a lot of time to just…be with my thoughts. Lots of thinking And lots of talking to myself. I missed eddie a bunch. I saw a photo of him looking strong, big (plump?), and serious. I thought about all the things he wanted to do still—the movie, the music, the raving. Of course It’s sad he never got to do them; but my grief has always been selfish—always about me—I’m missing the creativity, the hustle, the evolution. It was enhancing. and of course all the love. It’s okay to want more. I still want to be the queen.

grateful for krs-one, veggiehammerr, no scrubs, Bobby tang, h2o2, insomnia, ugly feelings, avocados, busted technology, bad mood, apartment amenities, sadness, clueless, virbac, clicky mechanical keyboards, copy editing, life editing.

1:58 am. My alarm clock is on WiFi.

life is moving. The days are flying. The world feels different.

I eat a lot. I never drive. I go to the doctor.

a weekend of nonstop fun: met lance mountain and someone named hosoi or something, ate at red lobster, made new friends at the dive bar in Hawthorne, drank jägerbombs, shot pool, played darts, enjoyed warm la weather, had kbbq, and binged tv. Not in that order.

grateful for weekend funnin’, Darby carter, piano-playing octopus, packing lists, being carried, snowy forecasts, deadlines, relationships, being rich, fertilized eggs, life and everything about it.

12:25 am.

This week is flying. Tomorrow we’ll be 95.

grateful for good memories, Sheldon cooper, Libby app, things to look forward to, November babies, peace.

1:07 am.

happy November. Another month. It doesn’t feel like fall time. Haven’t had a pumpkin spice latte (never ever), haven’t heard from any estranged exes, haven’t worn pants.

I’ve been recovering after all the dodger win festivities, all the sake and sushi, all the lost sleep. Being a fan is hard work.

Tonight I organized my pantry and charged up my kindle (haven’t read nothin’ in over a year). i prefer printed books but sadly, they become clutter. November 5 is a good day to throw away 5 things.

grateful for negative test results (negative meaning good, not negative meaning bad!), chili dogs, cousins, chicken juk, dodger dawg, doubletree, hangover, work slogs, Jenni many, Zillow, changes.

12:37 am.

I slept all evening and through the early part of the night. I took a lot of steps on the walking pad and I was tired.

Finally scheduled some of my routine health screening things. Isn’t it common for people to set their self-care aside when they’re preoccupied with taking care of someone else. The last thing I needed during the last few years was the discovery of a major health issue of my own. Still don’t need one!

I just realized it’s Halloween. I’m trying not to look back so much, but Last year at this time—two months after Eddie’s passing—I was having a lot of hard days. My friends took care of me and I always felt like I had somewhere I could go. I threw on my black dress and black tiara and had the best Jell-O shots in the world at flor’s art studio. I am so lucky.

grateful for beautiful grief journey, old friends, new friends, World Series + Cracker Jack, mammograms, Mexicans, snoring dog in my bed, Toronto peeps, work life, money, weight loss, positive people.

1:47 am.