Decluttering continues. Dylan and momopot stopped by to help with some of Eddie’s studio equipment. People always offer to help, but my friends actually mean it.

i looked through a lot of old personal items that belonged to eddie. Birthday cards written to him by old friends and people he looked up to; photographs of him smoking; cassette tapes and mini discs. I kept some cool stuff and trashed items that were triggering—usually anything that had to do with ucla health or city of hope.

i found a check for $1000 in his wallet that he never cashed. And his lucky $2 bill.

lots of excitement around here. I haven’t been sleeping much.

grateful for thank you for saying thank you, Hawaii, dogs, bffs, advil, monarch, calm, Royce, dila, Luke + Amy, progress, support, free boxes.

1:49 am.

i stopped by Lenny and taz’s place tonight to visit ripley. He is a very good boy with a sweet smile. He is very near the end of his life, and everybody knows this situation is the hardest part about having a dog.

A small group of friends gathered to pet, hold, and console him, but also to be there for Lenny and taz. All The same people who helped me—who always help me. We’re forever bonded through life, love, laughter, and loss.

grateful for best friends, Filipino snacks, kudsi, Randy’s donuts, intermittent fasting, ripples, memories, life and death.

1:19 am.

there is so much going on yet nothing to write about. I’m moving next month so I’m supposed to be decluttering, donating, selling, packing, cleaning. I’ve been lazy. There is a lot to do and lots of potential triggers to sort through. Some of it is sad; all of It is overwhelming. I am not alone.

grateful for Daniel, momopot, Dylan, Isabella, work besties, my family, Niko, saelee, good timing, good neighbors, good food, good times.

12:59 am.

exhausted. Soaking in the river of change is tiring.

Grateful for q work days, new accounts, no funds but so rich, doggy dental care, Lysol, vitamins, color.

12:42 am.

My apartment has a plumbing issue right now. The kitchen sink is overflowing with stinky black sludge. I would have believed that the loud girls upstairs dumped black paint down the drain, but the plumber said someone else dumped a bunch of grease. really There’s only one rule when it comes to kitchen sinks. won’t we be glad to move out of this dump and away from these people…

I’ve been having ChatGPT handle all my financial decision making and scheduling. Also asked it what kind of rug i should get for the new place. It has pretty good taste.

i’ll be getting up early—i have morning meetings with the plumber, the banker, the loan officer, the pharma publications team, the creative team, and my nespresso.

grateful for my mom (she is the best), what I saw during my manifestation meditation, plumbers, harsheet, lower interest rates, bestie neighbor, astrology, turntables.

12:12 am.

happy new year. I’ve been on winter holiday vacation and I’m not ready for Monday return to work. The days off have been wonderful—lots of family, friends, foods, drinks, funnin’, etc.

I didn’t set any resolutions for this year. Remember every year I try to do the splits and always get kind of close and then quit. This year I just want to meditate more, manifest efficiently, and continue the journey. I think I’ll be moving out of the apartment soon—lots of mixed feelings about that but mostly excitement. And sadness. And overwhelm. They like to talk about location, location, location (!), but isn’t it really storage. storage. storage.

We all missed eddie a lot during the holidays. Grief is so weird because the sadness and feeling of loss sits inside you in a really weird place in your body, heart, brain, wherever—magnetic field. You don’t really feel sad because the holidays are happy, joyful, and full of love and music. But there is deep sadness almost like helplessness that’ll surface unexpectedly from a different dimension. Most times it hurts a lot but sometimes it’s like a kiss from a ghost and it’s miraculous.

grateful for family, ChatGPT, Elliott, Chinese food, Chloe bags, Niko breath, Colorado bar, ddub, my job, peng, Daniel, academy crew, walking in the rain holding hands, neighbor revenge 10 hours, rose Han, 2026, omnilux, making moves, the unknown.

12:58 am.